Where there is love there is life...

Hatred ever kills, love never dies. Such is the vast difference between the two. What is obtained by love is retained for all time. What is obtained by hatred proves a burden in reality for it increases hatred. - Mahatma Gandhi

Finally, Its Over!

The freedom to be your best means nothing unless you are willing to do your best. So wherever you go, go with all your heart. To have striven, to have made the effort, to have been true to certain ideals - this alone is worth the struggle. - Collin Powell, Confucius & Sir William Osler.

What I learnt @SHRI was that staying focused is essential for any project to be completed on time - there's time for fun and there's time for serious work, especially since most of us have commitments besides class (some have family matters to attend to, some just starting out on a new job, some looking for a job, some have other classes to attend to besides SHRI), yet we still have to keep to project timelines set by the lecturers...

I instinctively knew that some of my classmates either 'love to hate me' or simply 'fear' me for the consistent dedication I put into every project assignment... to the point they feel pressured to keep up with my expectations or standards...

Now, this is something I never expect from them, simply because each of us signed up for the course for diverse reasons - some just want to pass each module to get the much needed cert, others just wanted to see if there are greater opportunities by exploring this aspect of HR. For me, it was to learn as much and gain the necessary knowledge and skills as I see this as an extension of my instructional design role. With this in mind, I push myself to absorb and contribute as much.

I hope my dear classmates will reflect on the learning curve we went through together and appreciate the team work we had, given the situations we were in. Outside of class, I am of course not the 'serious' person I am in class; my RMIT alumni mates could testify to that (hmm, think its time for another reunion, eh?)

So what's next?, Dannie asked... I was dumbfounded for a split second (suddenly, I recall grams telling me.. to take it slow, settle down.. right) All I know, at least for now, is to finish up my masters and plan for my phD; I shall not comment about matters of the heart as I have time and again resolve to leave this to 'act of God'. In the words of Brad Pitt in "Meet Joe Black", "It'll come to us" and only God knows who is the 'best fit' for me :)

Anyway, immediately after submitting my final assignment, I went straight to see my guy whom I have 'neglected' for the past 3 weeks...he's 4 months now!

PS: Happy belated b'day to Rye... it was nice catching up with you last week over celery+apple juice, yum! And my heartfelt thanks to Arnold, Irene & Nelson...I learnt a lot from you.

Tests are GOD's way of loving you...

I can't wait to get my hands on Dear John. It's been awhile since I picked up a good novel. With my last module endling late Feb, its time to put aside all those HRD/Management books and turn to some leisure reading. God! I really miss those days... and those stress-free days when I scuba dive, which reminds me I should get my wetsuit back any time soon now (Ms A, you copy that?).

Work has been crazy; when I mean crazy, its probably an understatement. What do you say of a gal who works 12-hour shifts, literally 7 days a week in a super-duper cold enivronment (on rainy days, I wore thermal, no kidding!), managing 7 elearning projects concurrently + diligently going to classes on Mon, Tue, Fri and Saturday nights? Off late, sleeping at wee hours seems like a habit. Some people say I'm crazy; I may just start to believe them... no, not just yet!

I feel tired like the energy is being sapped off my skin and bones (that's right, you heard me right 'no meat'.. ok that was a vent!) and I look the part. Went to see my nice GP and he said I'm experiencing 'burnout' and have contraction headache (aka migraine and when was the last time I had that? NEVER!) Geez... those people who says public service is easy life ought to be shot. Have they been in public service lately? Its really tuff work especially since where I am currently working is project centric in structure.

On a positive note, I've had great reviews on my assignments... looking at the grades really made my day. My team expects that of me but seriously, I am learning just like everyone else. And it just spur me further to really save up to further my studies and make me, above everyone else, fulfilled.

In retrospect, looking at the first set of courseware that will be launched soon, it instilled within me a deeper sense of confidence... that I am good in what I do and that I am passionate in what I believe in and people see that. To have your work acknowledged by people in the industry (rather than your boss) is such a joy.

Let me end this post by saying that I can never understand how some people can live on this earth by skiving, deflecting the issues when decisions need to be made and then shamelessly accepting the credits when most of the work is done by someone else. They lost my respect even if its all in a day's work. Such things make me really mad and its not pleasant when I'm mad.

As they say, you are truly tested because GOD loves you and knows how much tribulations you can handle with dignity... sometimes I just wished GOD doesn't trust me so much (ok ignore that last bit!) Amen, thank the Lord for loving me ;-)

My Handsome Guy @3months

Mum called to say the little guy is back home, yay! I purposefully went over to Simei after work just to see 'my guy' and judiciously took snapshots of him at 3 months, in stark nudity nonetheless. But of course being the great aunt that I am, I won't publish that here... duh! Will do it when he is bigger and knows the meaning of 'blackmail'... wicked! ;P

I have to mention that of late, I have been corresponding with my dearest cousin who is pursuing her phD dream down under... strange sometimes how distance brought us closer. And I'm thankful to have Ms S (my soon to be cousin-in-law, yay!) there to take care of W.

Be tuff cousin W, the journey has just begun and its normal to feel a tad home-sick; embrace it because when you reach the end of the journey and look back at all the sacrifices you've made, it will make your union with your loved ones more worthwhile.

Missing 2-month Old Irfan

This picture was taken of Irfan before he leaves for Trengganu, a day after he turned 2 months. He will be celebrating Idul-Adha with his maternal grandma and be back in Singapore first week of 2007. I pray that the village he is putting up is not affected by the rampant floods in Malaysia. Miss you, young guy!

Did you know:
An infant at 2 months, are still not able to see colours but he is able to identify familiar voices and react but coo-ing. I also read that

PS: Happy birthday Aunt B...

Eulogy for Nan...

What broke my heart was that nan missed me and that I was 24 hours too late... God works in mysterious ways... Only when nan is gone did I truly knew the depths of my love for her... Till today, the final kiss on her forehead is embedded in my mind...

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that never bloomsbut carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; Thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; So I love you because I know no other way in which there is no I or you. So intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand. So intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close

- Pablo Neruda

The Design of Everyday Things - Great Stuff!

Met Rye @NLB for this session by Dick Powell and Richard Seymour. Was not expecting a great turnout - the room was packed with design students! Good stuff nonetheless especially some of the examples to illustrate good design.

In retrospect, I can't stress enough the importance of design by empathy, at least from an instructional design standpoint i.e. empathise with the personas of the product you are designing for. And its great to know that Design Singapore is set up to advocate a similar principle.

Let me end this blog by sharing this interesting article, "Bringing Your Personas Life" as well as an interview transcript between Maish and Don Norman. Enjoy!

Gurteen @Knowledge Cafe!

Suddenly KM is abuzz again; Must be due to the Learning Festival and the fact that KM Asia was on between 7 and 9 November. Had the privilege to meet David Gurteen... interesting lad! Unfortunately, was busy with organising the event to really reap the full benefits of his session. Judging from the happy sheet, it was great that everyone enjoyed the informal session and would request for more. Click here for some pictures from the session.

Btw, thanks to Maish, here is an interesting read on Innovation in Networks. Enjoy!

Sbarcea - The KM Lady!

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Thanks to Patrick Lambe, I had the privilege to meet Ms Kim Sbarcea from Thinking Shift yesterday over a KM session entitled "Establishing CoPs".

She is one of Asia Pacific's most experienced KM practitioners and has worked in KM roles in the legal and accounting industry before her current role at ASIC. She is currently best known for her work in building communities of practice and regularly advises organisations on this.

What I took away from the session was:

• How to identify and work with informal networks in the organisation
• The process of implementing CoPs (SOAP - Strategy on a Paper)
• The pitfalls, challenges and benefits of CoPs

An interesting new 'toy' a.k.a. tool I learnt was the Social Network Analysis (SNA) - the mapping and measuring of relationships and flows between people, groups, organizations, animals, computers or other information/knowledge processing entities.

These key learning points reinforced my understanding of Peter Senge's Learning Organisation concept as well as Michael Marquardt's 16 Steps into Becoming a Learning Organisation.

And this is essential info, folks, especially in an era where change is a constant. So it all ties nicely with John P. Kotter's philosophy. In his book, "Leading Change", he outlined the critical steps to successfully lead change in your organisation. My recommendation is to read the insightful reviews of the book before rushing to the bookstore or library... good stuff!

An Intelligent Conversation...

Now this is one guy I would love to chat, pick his brain, etc. Not only is he talented, he is uber intelligent. From his biodata, he comes across as one with the sheer determination to excel in life.

And for a 28 year old, he is indeed a visionary guy who knows where his heart is and let's his brain do the talking...

I respect the fact that he takes the welfare of his siblings at heart, expanding the business for the sake of his siblings' future is a heart-warming afterthought.

In retrospect, its indeed rare to have a well-traveled Malay guy, what more a good-looking Malaysian to be this successful... Good on you, lad! View more of his pictures here.

For his noble attributes and sense of relentless giving, may Allah bestow him with a wife and family that he very well deserves... Speaking of which, here's a snapshot of his new wife :)

PS: To similar 30-something lads out there who has an entrepreneurial spirit and a strong believe in his faith, leave a comment please... ;)

Irfan @1month...

Every baby is a God-sent blessing from above, who comes into this world with a purpose that would unravel in time...

Couldn't help but share these adorable pictures of baby Irfan at 1 month. He has gained much weight since birth... Just feeding him gives me a sense of quiet bliss... ok that must be my maternal instincts on an overdrive, ha! Enjoy the pics...

FYI: I've been told that newborn babies change their skin pretty frequently... one thing's for sure, Irfan will be a handsome lad...

A Fruitful Life...

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

- George Washington Carve

231006:
Can I not go to work? So much spring-cleaning to do and to complete my assignment and presentation before end of module... Ok that was a vent btw... I wish I could do more for my faith but looking at the schedule, I pray that GOD forgives me for my less-than-brilliant conduct this month...sheesh.

291006:
Happy birthday to Dayat (cousin's hubby) and for making history in getting us lost in transition from Tampinese to Sembawang and for being unable to cut the frozen cheesecake ha! It was fun spending perhaps the first and last raya with the family from Kluang/Kedah as my cousin will be leaving for Australia National University to pursue her 3-year PhD... I'll definitely pay you a visit @Canberra sweetie :)

301006:
NLB Academy launch went without any glitch, thank GOD! I have to thank my dear friend, Ryan for his willingness and patience in crafting the flash demo for the website's launch.

Also today marks a special day - my dive buddy got married and sadly, I missed her banquet due to the Learning Festival hustle and bustle...

311006:
Happy birthday to dear Inez who is currently busy being an entrepreneur and MIA-ing. Miss you...Also today marks a special occassion where NLBA launched its Trainer & Facilitator Community of Practice (CoP)... What a way to officially close NLB Learning Festival.

021106:
Happy birthday to dear Luke who turned 28 on this special day. May you be blessed with great things in life... and that your mum recuperates from colon cancer and your nephew is free from the terrifying illness...

031106:
Irfan just turned one month and is gaining weight and his aunt (that's me!) is looking forward to driving him around for the festive season. It'll be loads of fun.

061106 to 071106:
Looking forward to the staff orientation that is long overdue, hmm...

081106:
A bundle of nerves, awaiting in anticipation of the feedback from my boss on my PMP mid-year review... hope I did him proud...

091106:
The next eClinic is due and I hope we can finalise the content before vendor engagement. I'm looking forward to working with the vendors on the elearning project. And the satisfaction of crafting the requirements and standards in setting the precedence for the entire organisation to adopt is gratifying...

141106:
My next module will start and I'll be back in class... persevere Azzah.. just 2 more modules and you are done! Yippee... Then up one notch ... Masters then PhD, God-willing!

So stay tuned when Azzah finds time to catch her breath and Rye, I didn't forget our dinner outing, owe you one! ;P

Muhd Anis Irfan 031006

I interrupt this session to bring you a news bulletin - After 3 false alarms, on 3 Oct 2006, a baby boy, Muhd Hanis Irfan, came into this world close to midnight. Weighing at 29.3 kg, with a height of 50 cm and a head circumference of 33 cm, he is an angel! Cradling this adorable tyke who was sleeping soundly (and who happens to resemble his mum... good looking!), I only have great wishes for him...


May he be, as his name suggests - A praiseworthy companion whose heart is filled with thankfulness for God's gift of life. And may his life be filled with richness of love and knowledge. Amen!

Special thanks to Dr J and his team @KK Women's hospital for taking good care of mother and child...We are eternally indebted.

Analogy...

There are things I'd like to say to you on your special day... I am forever thankful God sent you my way. Like a gift from up above, you showed me how it is to feel real love... unconditional love. I know many mountains we've had to climb and sometimes forever has seemed like a very long time... never devoid of misunderstandings; we are only human... and sometimes I wish you open up to me more, let me in to share your burden, instead of facing the tribulations of life alone. Yes, we've endured our share of pain, but together we have so much to gain. Bigger mountains may lie ahead, but together there is no hill we cannot tread. So always remember, and there is nothing together we can not do. I'll be here forever - my love is true. The person beside me, that would be you...

PS: Mama, Happy Birthday [060906].

Life Blessings

Without faith, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible.

Sometimes when you reach a crossroad and don't know how to move forward, seek solace in the Almighty and he will show you the way that is best for you. So much has happened in the past months and I am thankful that life turns out alright:

Blessings #1:
My heart went out to a cousin who just had a miscarriage which inadvertently was a blessing in disguise because she finally got her PhD posting to Australia and will be there for 2 years while her hubby finishes his housemanship at Sulawesi... Also this incident drew us closer and for that I am thankful...

Blessings #2:
Grandpa is steadily recovering from lymphoma and partly due to this, I got re-acquainted with relatives in Jepara, Java in Indonesia and we are now constantly in touch via email.

Blessings #3:
Sis-in-law's prayers got answered - she finally got her PR status confirmed, which means that its more cost effective to deliver the baby here in Singapore that is due end Sep or early Oct than travel back to Trengganu (not to mention the cost savings enjoyed by PR versus foreigner in terms of hospitalisation fees).

Blessings #4:
I am now in a better place after I left my previous job; I am back doing what I love - instructional design and the added bonus of training excites me. Along the way, I learnt the true value of family love. Thanks to all who stood by me through it all. I'm eternally grateful!

Blessings #5:
The recent forum I attended by Dr Mohd Asri, Dr Juanda and Dr Azwira proved that what I have been learning thus far complies to the Quran and Hadith, Alhamdulillah! The tears and determination was well worth it!

The moral of the story? Never underestimate the power of faith... Have conviction and the complexities of life will unravel its simplicity; just keep an open mind and have patience...

Ka Kite Ano...

I was telling Daphnie the other day that if she decided to go NZ, take me with her and introduce me to a nice bloke so that I can settle down and live happily ever after... not! Well, I am entitled to some form of wishful thinking eh? ;P

NZ is a dream... from North Island right down to Christchurch... couldn't put it to words how I feel about the place... In retrospect, the wonders of NZ just proves that God is great! Anyway, all I instinctively knew was I wanna live there some day... some say being a tourist and staying there are two different experiences which is why I asked Daphnie about her days there and she said she would return to work there in a heartbeat. I rest my case :)

Although a minority, less than 1% of the total population, the Muslim population in New Zealand is young, energetic and growing. It is estimated that there are approximately 17,000 Muslims in New Zealand representing a wide range of nations including Fiji, Pakistan, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Somalia, Indonesia and Malaysia.

An estimated 63% of New Zealand’s Muslims live in Auckland, but there are also large communities in Wellington, Hamilton, Christchurch and Dunedin. There are currently 9 mosques and Islamic centres, 5 of which are in Auckland. Auckland’s largest mosque is in the suburb of Ranui. The first Islamic school, Al Madinah, is in the Auckland suburb of Mangere. According to a recent report, Al Madinah, which has 350 students, has the lowest school grades in New Zealand.

Equitable Equality?

We the citizens of Singapore,
Pledge ourselves as one united people,
Regardless of race, language or religion,
To build a democratic society
Based on justice and equality
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity
And progress for our nation

A friend forwarded this petition online and requested those with a heart to participate in it. Now, some of you may wonder, will I get into trouble for helping another well-deserved Singaporean? If you have a strong conviction that this is a worthy cause, (and its not criminal to support a petition, eh?) then I urge you to have a say in developing this nation that truly translates our nation's pledge ;)

Ok, am itching to at least drop an afterthought of the recent "General Election" but let that be my lil secret... Can hear most of my well-intentioned pals telling me, "nothing online is safe" ... Major legal issues, folks! All I can say is that I'm glad, Singaporeans alike, want an alternative voice in Parliament and I look forward to the next 4 years (can't wait to see Sylvia in action. You go, girl!) :)

I'd like to however, end this post with a personal observation - majority of the locals seem apathetic to our nation-building; some don't even bother to read current affairs... While the bottom and top echelons are progressively being replaced by expats/foreigners alike, the middle is pressured to continually upgrade or face retrenchment... Can we envision the kind of 'quality life' we are heading towards? Think about it...

The sole end for which mankind are warranted, individually or collectively, in interfering with the liberty of action of any of their number, is self-protection. That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not sufficient warrant. He cannot rightfully be compelled to do or forbear because it will be better for him to do so, because it will make him happier, because, in the opinion of others, to do so would be wise, or even right... The only part of the conduct of anyone, for which he is amenable to society, is that which concerns others. In the part which merely concerns himself, his independence is, of right, absolute. Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign - John Stuart Mill

Dream Chasers...

A loop - its centre woven in a web-like pattern - it is said in the night air there are good dreams and bad. The good dreams go through the web into the one sleeping while the bad dreams become hopelessly tangled in the web, where they perish at the first light of dawn - An American Indian Mythology.

Alas! I got my long-anticipated souvenior from Canada. An interesting piece indeed, 'made specially with you in mind'... right? Heh. Now that you have forgotten a souvenior from Bangkok and Bali, I 'expect' double redemption from Sri Lanka, eh? Are you reading this...? Ain't friendship a lovely thing...? ;P

I must say the massage session was almost like a love-hate relationship - you have to bear the pain and torture first before you reap the benefits of a good blood circulation and sound sleep. It was unfortunate that some masseause was overzealous and poor Rye had to suffer from that, woopsie daisy!

Ok, so I pretty much needed to make up to him for that moment of agony. Met him for lunch and he showed me his 'master piece' for a client. I must say its impressive. And from that simple interaction it made me realised that IKS-ans... have one thing in common - passion and this translates through our work no matter where we end up later. I miss you guys, really! :)

PS: Have a good trip, my dear, and please come back in one piece... kidding!

Tuesdays with Morrie

Life is a series of pulls back and forth. A tension of opposites. So which side wins? Love always wins...

This book is a simple yet splendid read (heart-wrenching too; couldn't hold back the tears in the end...) as it touched the core of you! It teaches me to try and live life with courage, composure, dignity, humor and integrity. When I read the last moments of Morrie's life... I instinctively felt for grams and praised God for the blessed life grams is having now, slowly recuperating from lymphoma... coz that moment could just be grams' instead! (and I wouldn't know how I should react... then).

The truth of the matter is most of us walk around with a meaningless life, almost half-asleep, even when we are busy doing things we think are important, chasing the wrong things (talk about shortsightedness!). The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

Coz the most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love and let it come in as love is the only rational act. Indeed, you need love when you were born, and when you are at your deathbed but also in between... if only we just let that happened instead of putting a false brave front that we will be ok (maybe its upbringing or the warped culture we live in, hmm so I guess its right to say, "Create your own culture!").

I also learnt an important lesson of detachment - don't cling to things because everything is impermanent. It also means that you let the experience penetrate you fully; That's how you are able to leave it. Profound, eh? But its true; if you don't experience pain fully, how can you identify it the next time that feeling hits you? Denial is a very dangerous state of disillusion (not to mention a cowardly art of escapism, ha!)

Before I end this post, ask yourself:
- Are you at peace with yourself?
- Have you found someone to share your heart with?
- Are you trying to be as human as you can be?
- Are you giving to your community?

Psycho-Metric Test ha!

O56 - C94 - E70 - A90 - N8 Big 5!! ...Nah this is not my physical statistics, which seems out of whack if you honestly ask me (I'm NORMAL, wait, do I even need to validate that? Geez!) Rather, following up from my post, Stylo Milo, this is my OCEAN Profile from the Big 5 Personality Test ... Try it, click here to discover your profile :)

After doing other personality tests such as MBIT or Human Metrics (INTJ, just for sanity check), I could pretty much figure out what career suits me - one that deals with human capital management with a strong focus in policies ... and did I tell you that I love research work especially in the areas of Human Psychology and Behavioural Studies? Aahhhh... its all coming together, rather nicely if you ask me :)

Btw, I just finished reading "Becoming Real" By Gail Saltz. It is interesting how multiple approaches to counselling/psychology are pulled together providing a wholistic approach to self-help. Most importantly, I finally unravelled my 'story' ... really nice :)

P.S.: Had an early farewell lunch with the folks who are leaving for Bangkok this weekend... Wow, am humbled by your comments about me - woman with integrity, strong dignity, knowledgable, compassionate, considerate ... are you sure you got the right person? Hehe.. thanks guys and keep in touch...

ROI - Important Stuff!

Today just proved my point - Only visionary leaders understand the importance of ROI. As highlighted by Jane Massy c/o ROI institute this afternoon, most don't understand it (which is a pity, really, at this age?!), hence label ROI as "too hard to do" (ignorance is bliss, eh?) and/or simply refuse to implement change management (let's not rock the boat mentalilty). I hope I will never work for such leaders... Need I say more?

I was privileged to have familiarized myself with Kirkpatrick's Model (view more details here and here) and Phillips' ROI Models during my earlier HRD days and I could follow Jane's arguments without feeling inadequate.

You could also read more about ROI by Jack Phillips. Jane also recommends Knowledge Advisor, a tool used to quantify impact of learning interventions on job performance (note, good stuff is never cheap)

Below are some interesting articles I found as well:
- Decoding value
- Measuring the ROI of elearning
- Five steps for valuing UXD

PS: Gutsy indeed for some people to think that they could master the art of ROI over a short period of time; HRD consultants have taken years to master this (mind you, people in the know could sniff if you are just 'smoking your way through', so don't put yourself in a precarious position and lose all credibility ... Or what's left of it, ha!)

Art of Voice

Studies show that effective communication is a result of 7% the words you use, 38% tone and pitch of voice and 55% body language but over the phone, the words you use account for only 16% and your voice accounts for 84%! - Experts.

You often hear people spending a huge sum of money on power dressing, personal trainers, face and body spa; The moment they talk on the phone, they are not in control of their voice - they just lost the opportunity of making a positive first impression. A pity, isn't it?

Jess and Vern, thank you for 'bringing the point home' - the need to work on owning our voice. Your genuine sincerity showed in the way you share your knowledge and expertise during the Voice Spa, organized by Art of Voice.

Appreciate your constructive feedback... And I discovered a few things about myself that I was unaware of (talk about 'voice hostages', what a revelation). I had a blast. Hmm, tempted to take up 1-2-3 next :)

For those interested to unlock your hidden voice, you should give it a go as well. You may just pick up broadcasters' tip as well! ;)

Say Cheese!

Decided to re-read it. Hmm, simple mantras of "Who Moved My Cheese?" (very effective take on life, indeed!):

Change Happens
They keep moving the cheese so it is safer to search in the maze than remain in a cheeseless situation.

Anticipate Change
Get ready for the cheese to move (stay alert, observer and reflect).

Monitor Change
Smell the cheese often so you know when it is getting old (QA with MI!)

Adapt to Change Quickly
The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese as movement in a new direction helps you find new cheese.

Change
Move with the cheese and when you move beyond your fear, you feel free (this is true!).

Enjoy Change
Imagining yourself enjoying new cheese even before you find it leads you to it so savor the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese.

Be Ready to Quickly Change & Enjoy It, Again
They keep moving the cheese (talk about change is constant, rite? I know!).

I've used this mantra before during difficult times and resolved that I should never fear change and that I am in control of my own destiny so long as I have faith. I hope you find this info useful as well! ;)

PS: Happy Birthday, CK (1 April) & Grams (5 April)!

In Search of A Vision...

Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again, checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us. - A.J. Cronin

Read: Azzah's personal rambling during her moment of weakness (you've been warned!)

With the departure of great talents before me (I've been warned but no... the optimistic ME simply won't listen and wanted to experience 'it' MYSELF... stupidity/naivety/nobility... depends on how you see thing I guess but to me you won't know if you don't try, right? the opportune time has come to self-reflect on what I truly want in my career (versus just a JOB) while I rejuvenate my soul to a well-deserved break.

To go through the daily routine almost to the point of mindlessness without a broader picture in sight is something that I could not fathom. Its an uncomfortable feeling 'living in stagnation' ("where are we heading to?" keeps playing on my mind and it doesn't help that the company has gone through countless rounds of restructuring a.k.a. symptomatic folks!), wondering if 'the extra hours I put in is worth my while'("hey, if time away from family and loved one is not personal, then I don't know what is!" - Erin Brockovich), if whatever I utter will be used against me (out of context)... yada yada yada :(

As you reach a certain phase in your life, you look up to a visionary leader who could excite and motivate you (not that you are not self-driven) to achieve greatness, someone who believes in equal opportunity (no personal biasness, pls) and mutual respect for domain expertise (encourages you to be the movers and shakers) and takes inputs from the ground up (sanity check is being REAL)...

Someone who believes in human capital management (not juts filling the gaps with who ever is available... talk about optimal utlisation) and staff retention (this no staff is indispensable mindset has to go.... as staff leave, so will IPR), takes the time to plan proper KPIs and appraisal systems (going by gut feel/halo effect/unrealistic statistics is unfavourable); a credible leader who is knowledgeable but at times, is not afraid to say, "I don't know either, let's find the solution together" (well, no human being is PERFECT, right?) ... I miss that...

Its pointless 'fighting fire everyday with no permanent solution in sight'. When organizational symptoms that are pointing to the root cause goes on blind ears (and the fact of the matter is most of the long-serviced staff have been griping about it yet nothing is done; major OSD issue!) *sigh*... don't you think you are fighting a losing battle ALONE? Well, you know when its time to pack up and move on and look for like-minded peers ... R.I.P!

A note to the rest:
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. - Alan Cohen

A Woman's Book of Resilience

A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear (that results) from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we have not been wounded, if we have not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl - S. Hoeller

I chanced upon this new book, The Woman's Book of Resilience - 12 Qualities to Cultivate by Beth Miller PH.D at the library, read the Foreword and fell in love with it!

Let me share the 12 qualities:
01. embrace vulnerability
02. connect with others
03. manage part of the problem
04. get needs met
05. develop special gifts
06. learn to say no
07. transform resentments and practice forgiveness
08. develop humour
09. find new, different and many ways to improve things
10. endure suffering
11. find the meaning of crises
12. stand strong alone ad rely on others

The last point may seem confusing. To be interdependent implies equality, an inner equanimity of both fortitude as well as softness:
>> To a marriage of strength and vulnerability
>> To a union of giving and receiving
>> To being independent when needed and dependent when required
>> To stand firm or insistent and be open or receptive

The resilient woman is strong and vulnerable. It is through the balance of strength and vulnerability, standing still and venturing forward that we draw strength from the upheavals. It is by fostering the inner marriage of stability and change, centered and sensitive that we ready ourselves for the disorderliness of life.

PS: Mum, wished you rely on others more...

Life Lessons...

A ship in port is safe,
but that is not what ships are for.
Sail out to sea and do new things.
- Admiral Grace Hopper, Computer Pioneer

A note to me:

Zah, open the window to your soul and reflect on the day's happenings... Funny how you gained insights from a mere conversation with a 'foe'. It just shows life complexities or intricacies.

Bottomline, there's always two sides of the coin, it all depends on which side you are on, not to mention whose words you trust - naivety vs idealism, sensitivity vs compassion, overemotional vs intense, weak vs softhearted, rigid vs consistent. It boils down to perspective and the values that navigate your life decisions.

Drained just thinking of what had happened; analytical mind busy at work. However, I am not gonna cry nor sigh but see this as an opportunity to greater things to come for I have a strong conviction in my abilities to swim with the tides... and emerge the stronger survivor.

Sale el amigo o el enemigo; su conciencia señalará por instinto el principio o el extremo de esta semilla de la amistad que acabamos de sembrar. Para en mis oídos usted susurra palabras del estímulo mientras que en mi parte posteriora usted perfora la daga de la desconfianza a través de mi corazón. En el extremo, la honradez pertenece al gutsy pocos que podrían mirarme en los ojos con la convicción mientras que expresaban su o su juicio constructivo. Gracias por hacerme a una persona más fuerte que salga de naviety

Mindfulness

A landmark work of social psychology that demonstrates a rare capacity both to see what is extraordinary about human events and to envision even more enlivening human possibilities... One simply can't finish this book and see the world in the same way.

Mindlessness is the application of yesterday's business solutions to today's problems. Mindfulness is attunement to today's demands to avoid tomorrow's difficulties.

Never underestimate the power of the mind! And Ellen J Langer, being the great researcher that she is, could make the complex simple (yes KISS is important!); I love the way she presented her findings with concise precision in Mindfulness.

My verdict: A MUST READ. Indeed the mind is "The Lord of Speech" and a state of mindlessness snaps shut our minds and don't let in new signal.

Symptoms of which include:
- Acting from a single perspective (rigid closed off mindset)
- Automatic behaviour from habit (familiarity lulls us into mental laziness)
- Coolidge effect
- Entropy
- Premature cognitive commitments

Improving our mindfulness requires:
- creation of new categories
- openness to new information (vs sensory deprivation)
- awareness of more perspective

While with an eye made quiet by the power of harmony and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things - Wordsworth

Ordinary Day?

Besides the morning's hiccup (great team spirit, with everyone chipping in trying to help Sid), I must say what a way to end the week!

Here's a list of today's highlights (in random order; not that it matters to anyone but I just feel like SHARING!):
1. A special mention on performance bonus *kerching* ;)
2. A close pal got a real good work opportunity (good on you!)
3. We are expanding the team (variables the way to go)
4. Got a great reading list for 2006 on my pet topic (thanks, Maish!)
5. A 'business associate' got a good news for me (Saturday dinner? Its a date!)
6. Got my assignment results, wohoo! (the late nights paid off)
7. A close pal will be having her baby anytime now (congrats, J!)
8. Cousin Iman will turn 1 month next (another baking session, right?)

Signing off to celebrate... *ladida dida*...

If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day. - Alex Noble

Get It?

The biggest obstacle to learning something new is the belief that you already know it.

Thanks, Rye for this loan... Hmm, still prefer the earlier book but hey, you always learn something new, right? Karl Albrecht's "Social Intelligence - The New Science of Success" is an easy read.

In a nutshell, S.I. is the ability to get along with others and to get them to cooperate with you. Being equipped with Nourishing S.I. Type means we are able to reduce conflict, create collaboration, replace bigotry and polarization with understanding and mobilize people towards common goals.

The book provides tips on how to avoid Toxic S.I. Type i.e. people with physiological blindspot such as - Social Halitosis (inconsiderate behaviour with willful disregard for social rights of others), Social Flatulence (lack of respect for accepted norms) and Social Dandruff (a behaviour that imposes one’s interest on others)... Suddenly I am able to attach such labels to some 'toxics' I know, ha!

It also provides helpful tools to develop Nourishing S.I. Type:

1. SPACE Skills - Situational awareness: “Social radar”, Presence: “Social bearing”, Authenticity: “Other’s judgment of us”, Clarity: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt as words are the structure of thought i.e. verbal map” (adopt ‘Route 350’ & ‘E-Prime’), and Empathy: “State of connectedness” (adopt ‘LEAPS’, “Do unto others as others prefer to be done unto” & “4-Minute Relationship Maintenance”)

2. SPICE Leadership - Skills, Procedure, Information, Consensus and Empathy (hot stuff!)

3. Art of Negotiation - Avoid argument as arguing is a self-reinforcing habit pattern, set up crucial conversation (BATNA) & adopt the 5-step value added negotiation

From a corporate angle, I learnt how to identify 17 patterns of corporate disorder or degradation(you may spot one or some in your company? Yikes!):
1. Attention Deficit Discorder
2. Anarchy
3. Anemia
4. Caste System
5. Civil War
6. Despotism
7. Fat, Dumb & Happy
8. General Depression
9. Geriatric Leadership
10. The Looney CEO
11. Malorganization i.e. Structural Arthritis
12. The Monopoly Mentality
13. The One-Man Band
14. The Rat Race
15. Silos
16. Testosterone
17. The Welfare State

From a personal angle, I can use S.I. to develop and maintain a meaningful relationship as it seems that the simplest things, when ignored would accummulate to an unwanted (not to mention, sad) ending. As the saying by Edna St Vincent Millay goes, “Tis not love’s going hurt my days, but that it went in little ways”.

Quotes I love from the book are:
“Any strength when taken to an unreasonable extreme can become a weakness. So deploy one’s strengths with a sense of strategy and understanding of the tradeoffs involved.” (Afterthought: This I found to be true so moral of the story is to keep things in moderation and before you leap forward, assess the situation; can't say enough about Strategy, Strategy & Strategy!)

“A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still” – William Blake (Afterthought: I especially agree that there is no point arguing with toxics whose personal agenda is to impose their interests on you; for some its like an endless power play... hmm)

“The best captain does not plunge headlong nor the best soldier a fellow hot to fight. The greatest victor wins without the battle” – Lau Tzu (Afterthought: Its true that before you 'jump to conclusion' investigate FIRST and seek room for negotiation)

There was a special mention on Hofstede's work where cultural background also plays a part in one's S.I. level.

Other interesting read include EQ & MI.

150306 PM

Pat Metheny is one legend I've grown up with (he is the reason I go ga-ga over guys whose adept at guitarwork - 12 strings, no kidding!). My love for Jazz is attributed to this talented guy! (what can I say, I have a thing for charismatic silent type, and he's a Leo too!)

Do you know he is also the reason why kids my age back then found me 'wierd' for idolising "the guy with messy hair"; they could not understand the magic I saw in him, more so his work... Hmm, I just realised early on in my childhood, at the tender age of 5 at that, I've started displaying traits of a girl with strong views and individuality ;P

Anyway, view some clips and read more about the artist who is coming to town. Can't wait to hear all about it from Rye.

PS: Happy Birthday, aunt Sofie!

Duty With Honor

My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny. - Elaine Maxwell

After a brief chat with close pals (thank you for your care, love & support!), I am reminded of John D Rockefeller Junior's quote - "Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege." Indeed, no matter how busy I am, I am tireless. The joy of spending time with those I love, even if it means little time for I, ME, & MYSELF, is irreplaceable.

Yes, at times I feel vulnerable, overwhelmed, almost helpless but isn't that a natural humanly instinct in response to life ramification? Someone once told me, "Step back, take a deep breath, assess the situation and prioritise; that would keep you sane." (thanks, LG). Stay focused on the purpose of your existence, zah!

In retrospect, after reading and watching the life of the late S Rajaratnam over the weekend, my life seems ordinary, almost insignificant (he has my deepest respect and admiration!). Moral of the story is - time is precious and what you do with it for the benefit of the majority - is what matters. I end this blog with a nice quote:

A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how". - Victor Frankl

A Special Talent

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau

Today, I am feeling torn yet am so glad for this special talent as he is finally moving on in the direction of his passion. There's no one quite like him. No words could express how I feel so I shall stop here (as it is, the rainy weather has spoken on my behalf). Storm, I'll miss cuddly you...

With that, here's a tribute to my dear friend (you know who you are):

Le cher ami, dans si peu d'heure que je vous ai connu, une amitié plus profonde naît. Maintenant, vous serez des milles de distance. Si on avance avec confiance dans la direction de ses rêves, et d'efforts de vivre la vie où il a imaginée, il rencontrera un succès inattendu en heures communes. Par conséquent, ce n'est pas un triste au revoir, mais vous voit bientôt car je choisis de croire que nos chemins croiseront encore un certain jour. Salut et tout le meilleur. Vous serez manqué.

Nitta Sayuri

Our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper.

After reading MOAG yet again, it revived my novice knowledge of Japanese culture during my 'study Japanese' days, which seemed decades ago.

Japan is indeed a place steep in culture; there's a ceremony for all occassion:
- when a geisha 'adopts' an apprentice geisha (tea ceremony)
- when a geisha offers her mizuage (serve ekubo to the selected men)
- when the victor of the mizuage bidding is announced (tea ceremony)
- when an apprentice geisha accepts a danna/sugar daddy (tea ceremony)

Do you know that there are many layers to a kimono? It includes koshimaki (hip wrap), undershirt (camisole), paddings, underrobe (ro during hot weather, hitoe during cold weather), silk collar sewn on to the kimono, kimono, obi (sash), tabi (socks)

Also, you can spot an apprentice geisha easily. She has a momoware hairstyle (its suggestive: split peach with red in the middle??!), a red silk collar (vs white by a geisha) with a colourful kimono, a dangling obi (sash) in darari knot at the back (vs drum knot by a geisha). A virgin apprentice geisha, after mizuage (offering virginity) changes her hairstyle by placing a red silk hairband (versus a patterned one) at the base of her bun - interesting visuals!

I did not realise that Japanese men find the neck and throat of a woman erotic, similar to westerners' view of a woman's legs (and I thought the eyes is the windows to your soul, no?)

I end this blog with an interesting quote from the book (can you believe it, I still have not seen the movie!):

I never seek to defeat the man I'm fighting; I seek to defeat his confidence. A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course of victory.

Inamorata...

Precious shared this with me some time back...

Without Love, days are:
"Moanday"
"Tearsday"
"Wasteday"
"Thirstday"
"Frightday"
"Shatterday"
"Sadday"...

So, fall in love! ;P

Afterthought: Am glad most of the guys in the office shared my personal, not to mention, practical view that the current generation has lost the true essence of V Day. It is now no more than a commercial sham that attracts, well, the easily conned, ha! Don't get us wrong... this is not a vent (actually, I don't celebrate V day). Tim quoted that if everyone buys chocs/flowers on this day, how can the recipient be anyone more special than his/her next neighbour? Act of love/sacrifice should be done sincerely everyday... hmmm... lucky wife of his. And what do you know, I got a Roche flower at that! ;P

Crap vs Crab!

Argument is the worst sort of conversation. - Jonathan Swift

Crappy day to begin with but I know that I'm not easily bothered with 'flies buzzing around me'. "Fear is not the natural state of civilized people." Aptly put by Aung San Suu Kyi (this is one woman I have high regards for). And "Rudeness is a weak imitation of strength". Hmmm, that reminds me of another saying, "Rights that do not flow from duty well performed are not worth having." Very true!

Jo was wondering how come I appeared calm in the midst of a 'volcanic eruption'. For one, "there is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness". I learnt that from a dear friend. Sometimes, the most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. In this case, it was the pressure to bring the dough in, not so much of a tardy work. For another, I am glad that Jo stood up for us. Hence, the need for me to say nothing coz what was said was all good. "United we stand, divided we fall, eh?"...

Lucky for me, everyone loved the cookies I made. Also, I had a housewarming party to attend to (time to de-stress!). The cheese crab was yummy (my mind was running through the list of possible ingredients that go into making the award winning crab, hmm time to experiment in the kitchen!). Besides the food, Ryan's home was cozy - a modern resort feel with simple lines; didn't have my camera with me, darn! Oh well, glad he liked the gift. End this blog with a song from U2...

I'm not afraid of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company...

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along the stony pass
It's just a moment
This time will pass

Celebrations

Accept the things to which fate binds you and
Love the people with whom fate brings you together
But do so with all your heart. - by Marcus Aurelius

Original Sins seems to be THE PLACE for celebrations - anniversaries, birthdays, reunions, etc.

There was a moment of quiet reflection, not that it was awkward; I gazed at the table outside, reminiscing the past. Yes, memories, especially good ones, are meant to be treasured regardless if the outcome led to feelings of hurt (no regrets).

There is no point in 'escapism'; They say, "You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel." At the end of the day, "always look at what you have left instead of what you have lost", right?

Anyway, enough about me! Its Rye's special day; was glad to be a part of it (hmm was hoping to see lil Aria and those beautiful eyes; got a gift for her as well! perhaps next time). To the birthday boy, "Here's a toast your birthday brings. A slew of happy splendid things. With added years of health and love. In richest blessings from above."

I end my blog with the following "Today in History", enjoy:

7 February 1979:
R.E.G.Y is born.
Pink Floyd premiered their live version of "The Wall" in Los Angeles.

7 February 1976:
Toronto Maple Leaf, Darryl Sittler scores NHL record 10 pts (6 goals).

7 February 1964:
The Beatles arrives in New York & Beatle Mania hits Kennedy Airport.

7 February 1855:
Cowboy celebrity Charles Siringo, one of the most famous contemporary chroniclers of the cowboy life, is born in Matagorda County, Texas.

7 February 1775:
Benjamin Franklin publishes “An Imaginary Speech” in defense of American courage.

In Touch...

Those truly linked don't need correspondence. When they meet again after years apart, their friendship is as true as ever - Deng M.D.

Today, I had the instinctive feeling to talk to Yaz and truth be told, Kin is pregnant; baby is due this July (Yaz's birthday month!). I know how much he wants one, after having two boys. Took the opportunity to ask how he and family are doing? Glad to hear all is fine.

Its been awhile since we kept in touch; what a relief to know that the feelings we have, as friends, are still intact. That is our special bond. Congratulated him on his NY award for the recent Channel News Asia program (ok its not new, it was in 2004 but better late than never, eh).

Afterthought: "Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived. Hmm, suddenly My Best Friend's Wedding soundtrack comes to mind..."

Someday when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

Oh, but you're lovely with your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft
There is nothing for me to love you
And the way you look tonight

With each word your tenderness grows
Tearing my fear apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
touches my foolish heart

Lovely, never ever change
Keep that breathless charr
Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight...

Memoirs

My world is forbidden as it is fragile;
Without its mysteries, it cannot survive.
Not free to love, or pursue my own destiny;
Yet never could I forget a moment of unexpected kindness.
A memory that shimmers like a mirage;
A moment that sustains through sufferings...

Reading the book yet again and hope to catch the movie. However, I suspect that movies do not always do justice to the exquisite and magnificent writing of authors such as Arthur Golden...hmm!

To a certain degree, Arthur Golden captured the realism of life (tale of unrequited love, and life struggle) - you don't always get what you want... here comes the realisation that every part of life moments, good and bad, are small pieces of puzzle that completes you.

Life moments teach us to strengthen our resolve, to have patience and keep the faith. "What will happen to us now?" In the words of Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black, "It'll come to us...". Stay tuned for my verdict of the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha! I'll end this blog with a quote shared by a colleague... aptly said (thanks, SC!):

Success is not final, failure is not fatal;
It is the courage to continue that counts

Great Beginnings...

The non-stop downpour did not seem to squash the enthusiasm we (nuclear family) have as we busy ourselves in anticipation of my cousin's wedding the next two weeks. To add to the joyous mood, Gram's RBC has improved (with God's grace, the chemo is working!), Alhamdulillah!

13 Jan 2006 (Friday) : Almost missed the train due for Kluang at 8.30am, peak hour traffic, ha! Called grams to inform her that I have arrived safely around 10.15 am (you know how old folks worry over 'nothing'; actually she was concerned that I was running a slight fever and have not fully recovered from my runny nose). Reached aunt B's place and started 'cracking' on work; Slept at 12.30am. Felt a sense of achievement although my joints and back almost gave way :P

14 Jan 2006 (Saturday) : Up by 5.30am, and with God's will, the sun came out to greet the joyful day. Worked until it was time for the solemnisation ceremony (Grams arrived at the right time!). It was a heart-wrenching moment as tears silently trickled down my face as I recorded (was the delegated amateur video camera-woman; having a steady hand to record the joyous occassion resulted in a stiff neck and back, geez) the rights of my cousin being transferred from her father to her husband...

It must have been hard for anyone who has lived under the wings of her family all her lifetime and then to be 'given away' to a 'stranger' whom she had known for a mere 5 years and from this day onwards; her life is now under her husband's responsibility. It didn't help matters that she is very tight with her parents, being the youngest of 2 children.

15 Jan 2006 (Sunday) : Dejavu - A and younger brother reminded me of my long lost best friend, Yazz... Wonder how is he and family now... What happened to us, you may ask? Its a story that renders another blog of its own! Anyway, today the bride and groom were presented to everyone as the newly weds. It was also a time to meet long lost relatives for a catch up session over buffet lunch.

Now the pressure is really on, "When is your turn?" could be heard everywhere and 'concerned' relatives asked whose next in line (at this point, I was in 'shutdown mode') as cousins and aunts alike were busying themselves discussing about matchmaking me with so and so, etc ... suddenly the trees started looking very interesting as I willed myself to be lost in my own world as I went around capturing happy moments of the happy couple, ha! Uncle Saz sent us home and we reached SG via Tuas Checkpoint by 6pm, did the laundry (amidst gram's nagging, "Go and rest! You got to work tomorrow) ... What a great weekend...

20 Jan 2006 (Friday) : Grandpa sent grams and I to the main road to wait for Uncle B to fetch us around 9am (ain't he the sweetest, man of action hmm!). The coastal ride was hilly and poor cousin Ann vomitted in the car due to motion sickness (I almost joined her). Pittstop to clean up and clear the air... Reached Kuantan around 6pm, checked in and rested. Called grams to tell him we reached our destination safe and sound. Highlight of the day - food, yum!

21 Jan 2006 (Saturday) : Reached the groom's place around 10am, whisked to the waiting area for the arrival of the Sultan of Pahang and his royal family. He came at 1pm, stopped by and spoke to us before heading to his seat. After he left, I explored the mansion with my camera amidst stares and greeting from curious men (guess they are not used to Singaporean women). Highlight of the day - the breathtaking view of the mansion, facing the beach... missed diving (Royalty? Nah...at the end of the day, the Sultan is also human).

22 Jan 2006 (Sunday) : Long drive back home; this time we took a different route via Segamat. Did more pittstops (had lekor, nasi dagang, chendol, mini chocs etc along the way) Even dropped by Kluang for a good rest before heading home. Reached Singapore around 8pm (no jam at Tuas link!)

View more pictures of the happy couple at Kluang & Kuantan!

Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal - Louis K. Anspacher

At First Sight

"Sometimes the same emotion that breaks your heart is the very one that will heal it..."

How true! The minute I read the flap of this book, I instinctively knew it would be a great read:

"How well do we really know the ones we love? How do we handle the inevitable doubts, fears concerning parenthood, and stumbling blocks that are sometimes placed in our way?

Continuing the story of the bestselling True Believer, this novel captures all the heartbreak, tension, romance and surprises of those who are newly wed. An astonishing tale about the love between a man and a woman and between a parent and a child, AT FIRST SIGHT is about endings that bring new beginnings . . . tragedies that lead to unexpected joy . . . and, most of all, the magic of everlasting love."

Verdict:
Love it! I didn't expect such ending... felt a pang of sadness and vulnerability at the tail-end... my heart went out to Jeremy and Claire (more so Claire). A must read!

Learnt the following:

• Amniotic Band Syndrome
• Amniotic Fluid Embolism
• Braxton-Hicks Contractions

Share with you some of my fave extract from the book:

"...Life has a tendency to throw curve balls when you least expect them. Every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that's the thing - you're a couple, and couples can't function without trust."

"I know men. Let me tell you: They can be mad or frustrated, worried about work or life, but in the end, they're pretty simple to figure out if you know what makes them tick. One of it is an almost desperate need to feel appreciated and admired... A man promises to do the things to keep you happy in the hopes that you too will do the things that keep him happy."

Afterthought: Most couples have the impression that marriage is a fairy tale ending... They are almost right, just that it ends there, full stop! In reality, with marriage comes shared responsibilities and there is a need to have open communication, strong dedication and trust to keep both parties (and family) happy... All sorts of 'First-time' experiences that will enrich your life. Funny that this comes from single me but the truth is, I have observed and gained much insights from the married life (trials, tribulations, joy & sorrows) of grams', aunts', uncles', and close pals. Thanks for sharing, folks :)

Family Matters

Was so blessed to be a part of this great seminar organised by Muhammadiyah recently. Indeed, I took away alot of useful advise, not so much to prepare myself to be a the best parent ever for my future kids, rather to understand the challenges, the root causes (not just the symptoms) and plausible solutions towards maintaining family harmony.

On hindsight, I am a follower of the talented Ustaz Dr. Mohd Asri. Its not so much of his looks (actually he's not bad at all, married... oops! Next?), rather his in-depth knowledge, intelligence and above all, his genuine concern for the ummah and charisma reflected via his presentation that captures my heart and set my mind thinking...

The 2005 statistics appalled me:

• 80,000 Malay-Muslims have no islamic education
• 2,000 divorces in a year
• Out of 2 cases of pre-marital sex, 1 is a Malay-Muslim
• 30% of which went through abortion
• 40% of which contracted STDs

What will be the future of our community in Singapore? According to the speakers, the root cause of these symptoms are parents. And the solution is simple - keep to your religion as God has said, "I have perfected for you your religion" i.e. the way of life. The lack of dedication to their religion will ultimately bring the downfall of their family, resulting in a domino effect throughout their future generation.

A holistic approach was proposed:

• Nurturer i.e. parents (knowledge, communication, role model)
• Curriculum to nurture kids (priority, approach, openness)
• Conducive environment (attention, concern, exposure)

Bottomline, parents must:

• Make the effort towards improvement (never give up trying)
• Pray consistently (keep you close to God)
• Have faith (remember God and he'll be closer than your jugular vein)

In retrospect, the situation I faced back at home before the divorce of my parents made me realised the importance of finding a suitable husband, the head of the household. It is a challenge being a good parent, what more a good Muslim parent at that. In this era, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of daily stresses in life, there is a need to focus on a quality balance between work and family. Above all a strong dedication towards God first, and the rest will fall into place...

Life on earth is but a mere 'one and a half hours'. What you invest in that period in life will make or break your position in God's eyes. There is no compulsion in the religion; Choose wisely...

The General Theory on Love...

Thanks to Rye for this splendid read, "The General Theory on Love". Especially like page 206 onwards... Yes, there is a clear distinction between "In love" and "Loving" (I personally prefer the latter - everlasting).

Ever wondered why people hug each other on departures or arrivals? According to the book, "this style of embrace contains silent evidence of attachment: an imposed separation; or the threat of one, reflexively makes people want to re-establish skin-to-skin contact". Hmm...

Another interesting finding, "A person who lacks a stable centre (love) feels an urgent need to fill the gap - he needs something to orient himself as he navigates the world. Since he cannot use the limbic tools that penetrate the core of self and others, he will look to external cues - those he can be sure about. Thwarted attachment and limbic disconnection thus encourage superficiality and narcissism. People who cannot see content must settle for appearances. They will cling to the image with the desperation appropriate to those who lack an alternative" Have the modern culture gone shallow?

Anyway, had a good time shopping, dinner and making a new friend at that with him previously. Am also glad to know someone would "love me" (figure of speech) for, of all things, hair conditioners... rare find, mind you!

Learnt interesting concepts:

• Asperger's syndrome
• Hippocampus
• Korsakoff's syndrome

Fave quotes from the book:
"Every attribute confers a matching vulnerability; each heroic strength finds its mirror image in a tragic flaw" (note: aptly said, we gain strength with every setback)

"The simple equation of love. Like this: Relationship lives on time. They devour it in the way that bees feed on pollen: with an unbending singularity of purpose and no possibility of compromise or substitution. Relatedness is a physiological process that, like digestion or bone growth, admits no plausible acceleration. And so the skills of becoming and remaining attuned to another's emotional rythm requires a solid investment of years. Every new second of togetherness re-establishes the terms of a relationship." (note: talk about vested interest)

"Loving is mutuality; a synchronous attunement and modulation, of knowing the other, derives from intimacy, the prolonged and detailed surveillance of a foreign soul. It is a reciprocal physiologic influence, it entails a deeper and more literal connection."

"The physiology of love is no barter. Love is simultaneous mutual regulation, wherein each person meets the needs of the other, because neither can provide for his own. Such a relationship is not 50-50; its 100-100... within reciprocity, both thrive. For those who attain it, the benefits of deep attachment are powerful... they are resilient to the stresses of daily life, or even to those of extraordinary circumstance... Withholding reciprocation cripples a healthy partner's ability to nourish him; it poisons the well from which she draws the sustenance she means to give... Love cannot be extracted, commanded, demanded, or wheedled. It can only be given."

Afterthoughts:
I am glad that the authors et. al concluded that we demand too much if we expect science to single-handedly define and lay bare the human soul. Indeed, certain things are beyond explanation, that's the beauty of the human heart and mind. If we are similar to animals, aren't we 'humiliating' God's creation to a certain degree..? So for the wise, heed their hearts and draw strength from it. Get a mutually benefiting spouse and raise your children with love as it is and will always be the best insurance against the despair for which alot of social problems are a result of the lack of it...

Whoso loves, believes in the impossible - Elizabeth Barett Browning
When you love, you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve - Ernest Hemingway

Gifts & Mistletoe...?

Friday 23 Dec 2005:

Went to buy the prizes for the corporate party game session. Also, watched "The Polar Express" over lunch (the visuals was incredibly real!). Thanks to Ryan for the cute card, Sid for remembering me on her trip to Hong Kong, TT for the lovely chocs (its not Royce, but its the thought that counts!), everyone for their well wishes and the 'mystery guy' for the lovely choc cookies, hmm... Mikko dropped by and just love the way he quipped, with his face full of concentration at that, "Auntie Azzah, can mummy go home now...?"

So, what have I learnt through out my one year here? The gift of friendship and the realisation that its not all bad where I am. Of course, the grass always looks greener on the other side... you just need to take a microscope to zoom in on the details to learn the truth... Aptly said, KS ;)

PS: Missing my dear pals, you know who you are...

Hopes for 2006:To live content with small means;
To seek elegance rather than luxury,
And refinement rather than fashion;
To be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich;
To listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart;
To study hard; to think quietly, act frankly,
Talk gently, await occasions, hurry never;
In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious,
Grow up through the common
This is my symphony - William Henry Channing

Canada Beckons...

Wednesday 21 Dec 2005:
Funny how, sometimes, you dream of a situation and then it 'replays' right in front of your eyes - premonition? Perhaps. Time: 5.10AM. Felt a wee bit awkward for not 'reciprocating' his outstretched arms for a farewell hug. For the love of God, I had to refrain from doing so (its not permissible in Islam, hope he understands).

Anyway, I'll pray that he has a safe journey to and fro Canada and that he will spend quality time with family and friends over the festive season. Can't wait to view the pictures! It would have been lovely if C actually bid him farewell...

In retrospect, I really pull my hats off to those who travel the world for work and actually take the time to travel half the globe to be with family and friends during special occassions; It takes a lot of discipline to do so.

I've always have this inkling feeling, a desire to explore the world, work elsewhere and gain the experience while learning a different culture and appreciating God's gift of diverse humanity or retire in a foreign land by leading a simple yet quality life... wishful thinking? Nothing is impossible...

PS: Hope he is not anywhere near the Toronto incident...

Gift suggestions (or for any other day):
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect. - Oren Arnold

"Love is in the Air"

What an exceptionally special week, bustling with activities, indeed!

Saturday 17 Dec 2005:
It just dawned on me that my aunts and grams have my welfare at heart - was visibly touched. If it means retreating in silence, for the love of my family, so be it. I will learn to appreciate this life lesson in due course, am sure. Always remember, "Rudeness is a weak imitation of strength... There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness."

Sunday 18 Dec 2005:
Verdict post my baking session: The muffin is a better bet. Will experiment with different nuts and more chocolate (could hear gram saying, "It taste a little too chocolaty..." What can I say, I simply love chocolates!). Coincidentally, it gave me the opportunity to think through all that has happened as I go about ensuring the success of my baking mission. Yeah, I know am feeling mental about the whole episode...

Monday 19 Dec 2005:
"I shall bring you LOVE!" quoted Jo just a few days back and now I have in my hand, Love by Toni Morrison. Am halfway through this book (read this book to and fro work). Toni's refined writing style leaves no stones unturned, as she portrays the vulnerability of the human nature, men and women alike, crying and singing out their weaknesses and strengths in rotating perspectives.

Tuesday 20 Dec 2005:
Aunt Sal and cousins came to pay grams a visit. Glad everyone love the choc cake and muffins. Awesomely delicious, eh?! Hmm 'business prospect' looks good, ahem... At the end of it all, making people happy keeps me happy; I do the things I do not because I want people to love me, but more so I do it for the love of God. Had an early night in anticipation of tomorrow's wake up call at 3AM...

Whew, what a load of LOVE for one blog... overwhelmed!

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. - Anais Nin

Every Life Is Like a Snowflake...

Verdict of Snow by Orhan Pamuk: slow-paced with an exquisite ending. You need loads of patience to attain the well-crafted conclusion... Below are extracts from the book, enjoy:

Learnt about Snow Formation (Subhan-Allah; God is Great!):
"One of his discoveries was that once a six-pronged snowflake crystallises it takes between eight and ten minutes for it to fall through the sky, lose its original shape and vanish. When, with further enquiry, he discovered that the form of each snowflake is determined also by the temperature, the direction and strength of the wind, the altitude of the cloud, and any number of other mysterious forces..."

Learnt about Human Nature (talk about the use of metaphor - brilliant!):
"... Ka decided that snowflakes have much in common with people... Snowflake mapped out the spiritual course of every person who had ever lived... Ka was convinced that every life is like a snowflake: individual existences might look identical from afar, but to understand one’s own eternally mysterious uniqueness one had to plot the mysteries of one’s own snowflake.”

Learnt about Turkish Letters (any cute Turks out there, hello?):
"Most Turkish letters are pronounced as in English. The exceptions are as follows:
c - sounds like the 'j' in jelly
ς - sounds like the 'ch' in chill
ğ - silent letter that lengthens the preceding vowel
1 - sounds like the 'u' in cranium
ö - sounds like the ‘ew’ in jewel
ş - sounds like the ‘sh’ in sheep
ű - sounds like the first ‘u’ in usual"

"This is no simple reform. It really is a revolution. Sex and race because they are easy and visible differences have been the primary ways of organizing human beings into superior and inferior groups and into the cheap labour in which this system still depends. We are talking about a society in which there will be no roles other than those chosen or those earned. We are really talking about humanism." - Gloria Steinem

Afterthought from me: Is there a real need for humanism when in the eyes of God, the creator of mankind, we are all equal? What separates some from the rest is their sincere faith that this short life on earth has a strong purpose - the belief in oneness of God, whom we will all return to in the end...

A case of a False Alarm...?

My state of mind (AM):
The condition of my sis-in-law worries me - she is not eating well, running a fever, could not leave th bed etc. I am unsure if the verdict of her follow-up kidney/liver test is final or should we get a second opinion? Could it be a case of dengue? Could it be that she is homesick? Or is she just expecting her first child? Alot of questions; no answers... This suspense is literally 'killing me'...

My state of mind (PM):
Alhamdulillah! Its another case of a false alarm. She went to the doctor's and it was confirmed that her immune system was reacting to the injection she took as part of her medical examination for her Permanent Residence status. At least I could heave a sigh of relief that she is going to be alright. Sometimes, my conscience pricks on me for not spending more time with her... must put to practice the advice of a dear friend, "Quality life - work should not be at the top of your priority list." Just pray hard my employer doesn't get to read this...

The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure. - Francoise De Motteville

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. (From a speech given in Paris at the Sorbonne in 1910) - Theodore Roosevelt

Reading - Food for the Soul

Jaded! Need to enrich my mind and soul soon. Seems like I have not read a decent book for ages!

Snow:
I friend lent me "Snow" by Orhan Pamuk. At first glance, it seems to revolve around 'dirty politics'. Slowly, it unravels the reality of humanity and survival of an oppressed state. Preliminary verdict - a promising read although not really my cup of tea; I think My Name is Red is better (but I've just read the first few chapters... patience).

In addition, I am one who has a penchant for foreign language... somehow find the learning of a new foreign language appealing (when I was young, I contemplated becoming an Interpreter - err no, not the likes of Nicole Kidman as in the movie, I wish, ha!) hence getting the opportunity to learn a little bit of Kurdish language from the book helps keep me going...

Nonetheless, below are books that suit my fancy more:-

At First Sight:
Being a fan of Nicholas Sparks, I hope to grab his latest novel, "At First Sight", asap! This a follow-up sequel of "True Believer" and did I ever tell you that the character, Jeremy Marsh, is a 'hunk'?! ;P

Blow Fly/Trace/Predator:
I've always loved any intelligent thriller by Patricia Cornwell. Unlike Dan Brown, who could potentially be a one-hit man (not literally of course, just that his best novel is ONLY Da Vinci's Code.. the rest, as I read them, are ... blah!), Patricia's writing is impecable. Her books never fail to keep the adrenaline pumping. A must buy! (and I'm not even getting commission for this free endorsement, folks!) ;)

God, I need to find time to vist my 'old pals' - Borders, Kinokuniya, MPH or Times to grab these books, while stock last ...

On this day, I thee wed...

Please join me to toast YN & R - blessed is this beautiful couple who join hands and hearts to unite in lawful matrimony.

Words could not express how proud I am to be a part of this joyous occassion, to see off my closest pal to a well-deserving and responsible guy. I witnessed her walking down the aisle in a sweet pastel green dress, a bouquet of pink roses in her hand with "Valentine" serenading in the background. Behind her sweet smile, laid eyes soft and misty... perhaps in anticipation of welcoming a new chapter in her life.

The lunch wedding reception at the Mandai Orchid Garden was equally splendid with the breathtaking view of the colourful orchid garden, good food on top of the good company of close pals. It was a blast!

Upon reflection, during the exchange of vows, flashbacks of my past ran through my mind of what could have been and I realised that God is great. I was glad that I did not make a hasty decision back then. Without fail, I will give my all in love - that is just me. At the same time, I know when to take a step back and decide if this is the kind of life I want for me and my future kids.

Right now, I am just happy flying solo (its not easy 'screening' off the persistent pressure from close pals and family to matchmake me or get me hitched, mind you!) ... let God decide on who is deserving of me, the time will come... so have patience, everyone :)

Enough about me. Today is YN's special day so I end this blog with the following quotes:

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand." - Ryan

Death...

Life is strange... at a time when we are supposed to rejoice in Syawal for the good deeds done in Ramadhan, I am faced with a minor setback - grams is diagnosed with lymphoma.

I know grams is prepared to face death in the eyes... but are we prepared to lose him? Just when I am getting to know the quiet man who had tirelessly brought up 10 kids and 28 grandkids (and counting) to be dignified citizens of this world, he might be gone...

Through out my stay at grams', I've observed and learned the subtle gestures of kindness and appreciation he has shown me. A pivotal moment was when he extended an unexpected hug in appreciation of my being there with him and grand ma. This coming from a man who speaks little; he is a strong advocate of "Action speaks louder than words"...

All I can do for now is be strong for him and gradma... not to mention be strong for myself, especially since I have developed a deeper love for both of them... Staying with them was the best decision I've made and for that I've attained the peace and tranquility my heart desired.

Please extend your prayers to a man who deserved all the blessings this world could give. My only wish is that he leaves with a cleansed soul and if it means suffering in this world in order to attain that state of peacefulness in the hereafter, then God is All-Knowing. Amen.

You truly have lived if you can stare death in the eyes & welcome it -Anonymous